False Humility is the Worst Form of Pride
Humility builds connections. Pride hinders connections. False humility destroys connections. One way that false humility is often expressed is through the inability to graciously receive a compliment. When we discredit someone’s compliment, we create a relational disconnect.
When someone compliments you, say “thank you.” Don’t downplay their encouragement or diminish their observation. When people go out of their way to recognize something special in you, the gracious and respectful response is to acknowledge and appreciate their kind words. Compliments can make us feel uncomfortable, but discomfort does not justify arrogant rudeness.
Treat people the way you want to be treated. When you compliment someone, how do you want them to respond? It hurts when people refuse to receive encouragement. It is embarrassing when people act like our observations are meaningless or wrong.
Here are some common examples:
Compliment: “I love your outfit.”
Response: “What? This old thing? I should’ve gotten rid of it years ago.”
Translation: You clearly know nothing about fashion, you have no taste, and you like outdated things.
Compliment: “You are really good at _____.”
Response: “Hardly. I barely even had time to practice. That was nothing.”
Translation: You are a talentless moron who couldn’t recognize real ability if it smacked you in the face. How bad do you have to be at things to be impressed by what you just witnessed?
Compliment: “You did a great job presenting today.”
Response: “Honestly, I was just winging it up there. I don’t even know what I was talking about.”
Translation: You obviously don’t know anything about the topic being presented or public speaking if you thought that was a good presentation.
False humility is the worst form of pride. When we deflect compliments by acting like they are untrue or unwarranted, we project pride in the form of false humility. False humility is sneaky. It pretends to be humble but is actually extreme arrogance. This behavior creates confusion and breaks relational connection. The deception of false humility shuts down conversations and prevents future interactions.
When we encounter false humility, we tend to walk away discouraged and perplexed. We are less likely to offer encouraging words in the future. We question our ability to perceive and communicate. We begin to refrain from complimenting others. Loneliness grows.
Here are some humble and gracious responses to compliments:
Compliment: “I love your outfit.”
Response: “Thank you. It is one of my favorites and I enjoy wearing it. Do you have a favorite outfit?”
Translation: I hear you. I appreciate you. I want to connect with you.
Compliment: “You are really good at _____.”
Response: “Thank you. I really enjoy doing it and I have practiced a lot. What do you enjoy doing?”
Translation: I hear you. I appreciate you. I want to connect with you.
Compliment: “You did a great job presenting today.”
Response: “Thank you. I had a great time getting to share my perspectives today. What are your thoughts on the topic I presented on?”
Translation: I hear you. I appreciate you. I want to connect with you.
Authentic humility acknowledges the hard work and preparation that goes into doing anything well. It honors the experiences of others and seeks to build connections. Learn to say “thank you” and help eradicate loneliness in your world.
